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| I find this five years later. Last not in here is the word fuck. and i know exactly what it means. Actually. i was thinking that when i logged in. I know im fcuekd I wish i knew what to do. I wish i could go back in time and do things differently. Hell, i wouldnt be in the boat im in now if i wouldve did things right. What sucks is that what your parents say to you when your that old holds value. They are so wise Im down in the slumps. Tonight...i drooped ever so lower. well...see you in a another 5. | | |
| life is never a certainty.
do yourself a favor...and live it
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| i havent written in here ina minute. man, the past month of my
life, has been one of the most memorable, horrible, yet justifiable
time of my life. Why those three adjectives? Allow me to explain
Memorable. Mainly becuase it was the day that would forever change my
life. Let me the story. three of my best friends died. car accident, if
your reading this, you have a 1:2 chance of knowing and understanding
exactly what im talking about. Of course, this is memorable, i not only
lost my brother, but also two of my other close friends. they were all
members of our clique double B. double B is basically our group. Also
known as Blood brothers, or originally, Bangla Ballas. i got accepted
by them because me and rah were basically kin. so i was turned into a
Balla, and a brother, for life. i will never forget them, or my brother.
Horrible. If you dont know, Dont ask. Basically, he was my brother. they were all my brothers, they were all, Family.
Justifiable. yet some cant see why i put this let me tell you. i guess
alot of ppl question why this has happened. and the reason i see it
being justified is the fact that it was plain and simply their time to
go. i love them with all my heart, and i wish i could be in thier
place. but no i cannot. i have to rock this world with the remainder of
double b. And we will. i got no worries, i know now i have 3 guardian
angels. my bros looking over me
Remember Rah? Double B for life? Blood Brothers for life? Live the dream?
I live it for you..
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| so you want the truth eh? well lately in my life, ive
been mostly chillin. this week has been pretty good except for getting
into nearly two fights because of ppl. but u know some brothers of
thisworld justtttruly islike each other and have too much beef that
things justneed to be settled so that other things can be set down and
layed down to rest. but u know, thats cool and all...just dont kick my
car...that was just inhumane..but other than that, this week has been
pretty chill. nothing big happening, just mainly getting life in order
and just chillin with my boys. u know its fun and all being with them
just about everyday. ive seen all my boys about once a day. and its
tight cuz its just makin this bond that we have as a brotherhood more
and more strong. but, as there is with everything, theres still a catch
with me...
lately ive been trying to fight off this feeling of lonliness and just
wanting to just be able to chill with a girl. i guess i cant really
have that right now. but know, it dont really matter that much.
actually im lying. ive just about come to the point where im just
wanting to be with a girl almost. but yet im afraid to do the whole
thing again because of past experiences. but something tells me that im
just longing to have that hand in mine, or that head on my
shoulder. i guess thats pretty sappy.and my fault for starting
that. but thats just how ive been feeling. lately ive been wakin up
during the night, and just thinking. ya know, there are alot of guys
out there that just go out to party and all, find a girl, do their
thing, and then be off for the night. but i guess, im not one of those
guys that likes to just hit and quit. im one of those 'one girl'
men. im pretty some guys that think they got balls are all like,
'wth ur just a pansy, no body likes you, get over it, move along', but
let me ask you this. at the end of the night, does your heart feel
whole? i mean sure, u had fun and u feel great and all, but what
about the real you? the guy underneath the mask? underneath the Macho
Man, popped collar, Your too cool, man that you put up for others? ever
had feelings before?
i guess thats just me then. but yeah, thats just what i was thinkin as
i was driving home. i went to many places tonight, but never left
satisfied, complete, or just feeelin down to earth good. na, i felt
awkward driving home. i tryed callin someone, but they didnt
answer. idk
idk indeed. well, yah, read it or not, u got a earful
night
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